I sit on my bed
It wails beneath my weight and I exhale
As if I were holding my breath all day
My shoulders drop
My eyes fix on the floor
A hat
That once belonged to my brother
Has fallen off a shelf
Exposing a ring of sweat and dirt
I cannot avert my eyes
I cannot pick it up

Once I was covered

By the weight of tattered cotton
In the quilt your mother bought you

By the pallor skin of your small freckled arm
And hands adorned with tooth bitten nails

By your chest curling around by back
And legs that got lost amidst my own

(Once I was covered)

Go down
Right in the pit
At the bottom in bile
Churning with anxious fever
Bowel

My fingers are stiff
My ring slides and shifts
Between my knuckles

The air is cold, arthritic even
My joints like dry elastic bands
My bones each one of them cold and lonely

I listened to your lips
Asking questions of a conch shell
Static
Silence
Not even the ocean

I wear the ring of a man I never met
Loose and slightly bent
On the third finger of my right hand
A garnet
My birthstone
And my mothers
And her mothers

They knew this man

His belt
His knuckles
His flesh

His breath
Soured by wisky and sticks of tobacco

Sickens me
The thought of it

Oh but how this
Gold band sparkles

I sit and listen to the hum of foreign voices
My skull rattling on the window
Staring
At the yellow
Lines of the road

It is at the very least completely boring for others to tell you how to live your life, work your job, buy your clothes, we all do not come from the same cookie cutter, we are all different. Revel in your differences and you will see changes around you, who your friends are, what you really like to do, and how trustworthy you are. These are things that every person should eventually figure out before it gets too late and someone has already made up your mind for you.

This was also written in white on white vellum and mixed in with the other 'poems'..but i remember where its from.

All previous entries are from a piece i had done a few years back in which I cut and rebound pages from my journal to create 40 smaller books. I then read each one and extracted legible words and wrote them down in their new order to make these dadaist like poems. They were written on white vellum in white ink. The goal was to offer up some of my most personal thoughts and moments, but only to those who were willing put forth the effort to read and interpret them. In this way I saw myself recreating interpersonal relationships in the relationship between the work and the viewer.

sick of
stupid
sick
being
so sick
of being

effacing
thing
is
unfinished
i would really
bullshit
this
well
time for myself

lately
distance
still as
fall

Point
laugh
with
someone
expected
too

under
i want to fall
flat out
Damn

like it
ridiculous
sometimes
and i dont know

Like i dont
admired
less
like that
missed
loved
worthy
saw
never
see
Pretty like
morning
people
feet
want to
thursday
confident
free from
constant
sequence
needed
as though
without
talented
if
not so
like this
capable
to
impress

Perplexed
reference check
dont
friends
consider
i dont
i am
im confused

THAT
DAMN
MAYBE
IM NOT
WHAT
IM JUST
ABOUT
LET
either about motivated
Honest
stop
its kind of
not
care
sometimes
being happy

i slept with
...weird?
want but
Does
make
day
care
consider not
just
deal
ALSO:
never
fun
ALSO:
vicious
now
life
prize
get
this
i cant
back
pissed
whatever
playing
win
know
glad
people
i hope

i should
...so socially
next
say
awesome
oh my
about
it
i dont
perhaps

never understand
looking for a sound
Question
the
comes thinking
lo
place
upon a
question
recall
Forts
being
never
analyze
I hate
memories
more
I hate
the lonely
no
youre just
Hell
creating
myself
Fell
laugh
and looking
that
stomach aches
its for
you
evoke
1/2
and
you
will

lost 1/2 a pack
i could
oh well
Buckets full
full as if
work
shoulders
the weight
as well as
Everywhere
and she
swallowed
doesnt
a good
spoon
to sign
ane day
Ill be
dependent
week, day
second
a Bucket
all to
cleaning up
down
memories
Ryan
we should
if
next
Poor
Anyone
for him
brothers
that
despite sleep
and
stress
and cigarettes
definitely
us.

everyone
and
today
can
if
that
need
why
cant
care
its
Running
here
see it
leader
again
thought
lil' girl
burst
and
other
used
take
able
just
see

convenience
thats fine
not very
however
hear this
i dont want to
is
all i said
understand

bug
done
that
put
slight
no
some
10
d e e p
be

stitch,
beautiful?
i wish

Duxburry
cream
up
9203
the house
sun
our
too well

writing
is
not
enjoy
looking
from
this
sour

it feels
fine
for 100
stand
and lately
bitter

unsatisfied
i hope i find
happy
something to
hate
your
leave
that be misses
your fear
real
is that
once

unusual
came
rally
round
yesterday

read
don't kill
atleast
just beer
Charlie
hey hooker
his profile
many
way
best
winner

Nicole
fingers
my hair
a mess
well
where
pavement
honey
unread
fast
my face
told me

homeless
out
bed
has
sick

honest well plays
forget
nice

my brother
ever house yet
"i have
no
weak
which
she
concieted
how
bulliemic
myself
im not
but
SHIT
still
me
that
say
maybe
meals
his
what
about
enough
which
stop
me?
him
for
just

dreams and
by me
once
still
puddles
stain

along
well

world
so
know
how
many
care
fresh
of
mind
cry out
and
know
i
long...
into

lately
distance
still
as
Fall
exist
waste?
for root
so
she
I do?
turn
but
any
have
myself

even
her
no
2,000
just
think
im
ask
like
see-

night
like
knowledge
i feel
pathetic
pathetic
this
to have
and such
about
why
time
Fuck
we
now
give
this
time

Barns
the
sound

through
bad
been
what
a
lose
mmmmm
what
admit
killing
this
shit
That
I fell
to
good

12 days
about
my
dry
last
wrote
did
see
i did it
well
whatever

beauty
9 days
youre
youre
waiting
to
hear
Ive

offered you
the kitchen
but you
there when the
you came
end.
so lets
ill leave
lies behind
a good friend
I adore you
and two socks
you can use
out to california
so lets go
this is what
juggling
you can keep
clown maybe
happy
but having
you never
say
pockets
tell your
ride
youre thinking
mind your
beer

ruining
some
also
but the their
equally as
selfish
Aesop
will go about
your
middle
union
aay
you wanted
difference
be content
or maybe
Losing control
people
just
care
about
knowing
their
getting
some
that selfish, maybe
happiness
none elses
not saying
anything

They can come
to me
Im NEVER
FALLING
NOWHERE
CHASING AFTER
ANYONE
WHO
asleep bright
I now have
Pathetic
history
its 3:30 am
I leave out major
Parts
I dont think that
People
who I am granted
weak and hate
that I cant
fix